me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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