Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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