All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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