I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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