So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
