It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
