just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
