I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
