I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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