You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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