just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
