Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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