i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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