my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
