well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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