dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
