then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
