Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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