Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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