Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
