im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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