How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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