Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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