don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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