you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
