I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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