hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
