no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
