She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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