please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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