Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i drank out of a bidet.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize