fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
