Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
