she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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