IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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