i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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