There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
