It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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