Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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