i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
