my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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