i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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