if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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