I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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