a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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