Only a mothe r could love this liver
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
