my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
