I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
