My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
