First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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