I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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