i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
